Sometimes I, still feel the solid, silent presence of alex. Today I nearly cried. I think this is the end.

I think that when people came up with ghosts, they didn't mean spirits. They meant a memory so strong that it was practically tangible. I still get that with a

lex.

Tried to stop myself from thinking about you. Now I dream of you instead.

being with you always felt like home. it felt like I was where I was supposed to be. your smile calmed me. the way you flexed your fingers brought me joy. I was content with my future because I knew it was with you. I knew you would be beside me, and I knew we would make it.
but you closed yourself off, and then you left, and I have been floundering ever since. I don't know where home is anymore. every place feels distant and I am always alone.
this is dramatic and true and I love you and I wish you would reach out to me.
I want to go home.

I miss you so goddamn much. Part of me still feels you with me. It's been months.

Some days I'm amazed by how empty I feel.