I can't tell you these things, so I'll write them here.

I want to call you and talk to you. I want to tell you what's going on with me. But I can't call because you don't do phones. I can't call because you don't want to hear from anyone every day.

I wanna know if I'm special to you. I think I must be; why else would you hang out with me? Why would you invite me into your bed and recommend comics for me to read, and hold me when we sleep? Why would you do any of the little things you do that show you care?

I want to tell you what you mean to me. I think I scare you. I'd scare you more if I told you. You don't look at me, but I think you want to. I watched you sleep on Saturday morning. You are beautiful. Then your face started twitching; started looking hurt. I stroked your hand until you were calm again. I hid my face in case you woke up. I turned away just in time for you to miss me staring. I loved to see you wake up. I love to see you sleep. Really, I just love being around you.

You're funny. You make me laugh. I understand your need to use humor in uncomfortable situations. I do it myself. Thanks for wanting to know what bothers me when I'm upset. Thanks for understanding.
I like to watch your eyes when the light shines on you. The pupils finally constrict enough for me to see the pattern in your irises. I want to lay you down and watch your eyes. Again, I think it would be too much for you. You are silently forcing me to back off and back down and not consume you with my adoration and desire. Do you know how hard this is for me? This is why people think that you could be good for me.
But I want long-term. You said that your relationship with your ex lasted two years, though she'd say three and a half. Is that the future I can look forward to? Will what we're doing now last for a year until you finally admit that something's happening? Something's happening now whether you admit it or not. I miss you. I think about you a lot. I want to be around you. I want to talk to you. I want to listen, and I want you to listen to me. I want to look at you. I want to touch you.
And I can't tell you any of this now. You rule your life with your brain but are secretly very sensitive and emotional. I live my life with my heart but am secretly very logical. This is my pattern, with some exceptions. People change through people. How can we change each other? Hell, how could I do anything that would influence you?
You don't answer the questions that I ask, but I let it go. I overlook so many things for you. I am trying to learn what priorities are. I am trying to find the right battles to fight. And I do not want anything to build up inside of me like I've done in the past. But it's already started, layer on layer.
I think that you love me but you are not in love with me.
I think that's how I feel too.
And I think you'd want to talk to me every day, but you're scared.
I think I know more than you do. About some things, anyway. The things you don't read in books.
You know?