So glad there are no pictures of you on my phone.

I want someone who's as excited about me as I am about them.

I want to tell you everyday how much you hurt me but it wouldn't accomplish anything.

I want you to love me the way that I love you. Or the way that I think I love you.

Dreams about you.

It's so hard to let go.

I miss your bed. The comfort. The warmth. You in it, beside me. I miss your rib cage and your freckles. I miss your face.

I love you.

I want to save you.

Looking forward to getting sick of you.

I miss you. Wish I could tell you.

It's weird how much I miss your upper lip.

I try to imagine how things would be now if we'd never met. It's hard to picture it. You came right when I needed you. But you left when I needed you, too.

Another night of you not calling me. I wonder what it means. You say you like talking to me, so why not call?

My emotional phantom limb.

I called you last night and you were kind. Please be kind again.

I would do most anything to get you back by my side.

Haven't heard from you for 16 days. Wonder if you even notice.

I miss: your smile, your mouth, your eyes.

Alex. Alex alex alex alex. Please come back. Please come back to me.

I miss you and it's fucking annoying. I thought you were different. Why weren't you different?

Miss you til my heart feels sick.

Forgetting you is like trying to dig to my heart through my chest with a tea spoon.

I miss the taste of your skin and your slick sweat beneath my fingertips. I miss your warmth and heartbeat and the expansion of your lungs.

I think I make myself miss you. I think I'm trying to understand.

I can't stop thinking about you breathing.

It seems wrong that we don't say 'I love you' anymore. It seems wrong that we're not together.

It's in these moments of panic that I need you the most. And you are no longer here.

This just doesn't feel like something you would do.

Today would be a lot more fun if you were here.

Miss you so much. Always thinking about you. This is so fucking stupid.

First friday night alone in my bed since february.

I miss you. This is wrong.

Twisting my guts. I miss you. Empty. Numb in between crying. Numb and deeply, deeply sad.

Miss you. Miss you so much.

I want to say that I hate you but it would be a lie. I just want you to change your mind. come back to me. I hope you think this over and I hear from you again. not now. You have a lot of growing up to do. but in a few months. I can see us happy together. I don't know why you can't.

I miss you. Surprise.

sometimes, when I am sad, I think about his thighs. Then I feel better.

I like making you sweat.

I would only want to tell you that I love you because I think that it would hurt you.

I wish you could have told me what was going on all those long months ago. I wish I didn't want to look you in the eyes and say 'I love you.'

Harder and harder not to say

Feeling weird.

Sometimes I still feel the bruise.

I'm afraid to be happy.
There's so much more to lose.

Words I can't let my mouth form.

I hate you
(when it occurs to me to do so)
but sometimes I miss you
(when I'm riding on Smith St and see the roads I used to take to get to your house when coming from school)
(when I calculate in my head the likelihood that I will pass you, based on your work schedule and my current location)
I'm glad I don't see you because I'm not sure what I would do if I did.

Fucking you finally came in handy today.
I was a street down from your old apartment and I was able to get myself home. The only time I've been in that section of town was when I was at your place.
So thank you, fuck you, and good night.

Other times you hold onto this thread like a spider web, fragile and easily torn. Sometimes it's more like a steel cable, thick as my arm and infinitely stronger.

And sometimes it's like falling into the spiral and not knowing if you're going out or coming in but it definitely feels like you've been there before.

It's like believing your horoscope or reading your future in tea leaves. Sometimes you just get lucky. Sometimes the first shoe fits and you can stop looking.

I want your hungry hands to devour me piece by bloody piece.

Why this sudden resurgeance of feeling? Is this the itching of a healing wound? Am I purging you? Please leave me. Get out of my heart.

I can't stop replaying these memories of you. Stupid shit like the first text you sent me. How nervous I was sitting with you. Your goddamn voice. Your hands.

I look for you in everyone I meet.

There is a thing inside you that is much bigger than you let on. I feel the strain of it constantly. Your eyes are cold and larger than they appear. You are so still. Despite all your movements you keep your hard shell intact. Your insides ricochet with memories. You don't let them out. You can't let down your guard. It's exhausting.
That's why you spend your time alone. That's why you read so many books. I could see inside of you and knew more than I let you know. I could see you and I loved you and it scared you.
But I trusted you. I sat on your kitchen floor and told you so. You loved me, you do love me, but that's a feeling that's been tossed inside with all the others. You can't recognize it now that I'm not around. You filed that away for later. But for you, later becomes never.
Will you live your life with all of this unrecognized? I love you. I love you so much that my heart still hurts with it. In my mind I see you reading at your window. In my mind I see you fucking other women. In my mind I see you keep yourself so empty. Those empty eyes. bigger on the inside. Hidden from everyone, but mostly from you.
I still feel you.
Help me take this all away.
Please just let me go.

well it's been a long time, long time now
since I've seen you smile.

I want to write you a letter. Pretty sure that would only guarantee your continued silence. I miss you. I just want to tell you what you meant to me. and I miss you. I miss talking to you. I miss I miss I miss.
You.

Right now, at this moment, I am so glad that you are out of my life.

I miss you so fucking much.
I look for ways to contact you. But I don't do it. I don't. I think about it, but I don't do it. I don't.
I want to feel you again.

Gonna ride the bus right past your house. I daydream about seeing you. Luckily chances are slim to nil.

Got up just to google your face.

I miss sharing your bed. I miss holding your body against mine. I miss your radiant warmth. I miss your sigh. I miss you. I miss loving you.

I bought a peanut butter clif builder's bar because it reminded me of you.

I feel at peace again. This is why I came here. This is for what I've been striving.