Sometimes I, still feel the solid, silent presence of alex. Today I nearly cried. I think this is the end.

I think that when people came up with ghosts, they didn't mean spirits. They meant a memory so strong that it was practically tangible. I still get that with a

lex.

Tried to stop myself from thinking about you. Now I dream of you instead.

being with you always felt like home. it felt like I was where I was supposed to be. your smile calmed me. the way you flexed your fingers brought me joy. I was content with my future because I knew it was with you. I knew you would be beside me, and I knew we would make it.
but you closed yourself off, and then you left, and I have been floundering ever since. I don't know where home is anymore. every place feels distant and I am always alone.
this is dramatic and true and I love you and I wish you would reach out to me.
I want to go home.

I miss you so goddamn much. Part of me still feels you with me. It's been months.

Some days I'm amazed by how empty I feel.

Start to get close then I push you away. You won't understand.

there are so many things I want to say to you. I want to print out journal entries and send them to you in letter form. I want to copy and paste and email them to you. I want you to read about how you've affected me. I want you to know how desperately I miss you.
and I am so glad that I lost your phone number. I am so glad I can't just easily call or text because I know that I would have by now. but I can't break my pride enough to write you a letter or an email.
I found your address written on a slip of paper in my planner. I didn't throw it away.
I think I'll save my communication for that archaic form. the letter.
once I figure out what I hope to accomplish, anyway.

Summer feels so long ago. So simple and naive.

Sometimes I can feel the tingling from the nerves you used to touch.